wait..

arriving at the station, waiting for the train that will take me to my destination. before, i thought that waiting for that train was so tiresome and agitating, but still i keep a positive thought that the train will eventually arrive and take me to where i want to go.

the past few days were fun and yet, i can't seem to take my mind off that moment that i've been waiting for so long. that moment when i am finally given the chance to mend the things that need mending. the things that i have been putting off for so long. i never thought that time was so slow. or is it just me? *sigh*

i never thought that waiting was so hard. waiting for that photo to upload in multiply, waiting for that song to download in limewire, waiting for that train that seems so long whenever you're in a rush, waiting for that long line in the cash register so you can pay your purchase, waiting for that movie you've been dying to see. why does it seem that whenever you wait, time has the tendency to slow down? and whenever you want to relax and if only possible, time will not run out on you, it just will? why can't time be cooperative even once? why do we have to wait for the things we want? why do we have to be patient in life? i'm not going to say that time sucks, but time's making it hard for me. can't you go any faster?

my brain's been idle for the past couple of weeks. after that mind-boggling paper for ENGLRES. now i'm not sure if i ever want to be idle. maybe it's because i can't do anything that will help me keep my mind off that moment i want to happen. i have been successful for the past two years in keeping and surrounding myself with positive things and from keeping my thoughts away from drifting in that area of my life. but i guess the past two years and now had a different time setting when that incident happened. oh well...

i didn't think that i'd miss This Person so much. it's so painful and annoying at the same time. even if there's someone out there that seems to take This Person's place, i seem to be hostile in making room for the New One. because i know in my heart and mind that no one is capable of taking This person's place. i know that no one is able to measure up with what This Person and I had gone through. yes maybe we had, and we still are having some rough moments in our lives but after all that's happened for the past two years, we still managed to survive. is it only now that we are to give up on each other? i don't think that i'll be the first person to give up. i'm very persistent. doesn't look like it, but i am. i just wish This Person hasn't given up yet... but i have no idea of what This Person is thinking anymore nor of what i am in This Person's life. am i still there?

two more days until christmas. still don't feel the spirit. maybe because there are still things in my life that are out there in the dark, hidden, unmended, bruised and unhealed. the wounds are still here, in my heart, in my mind, in my life. time. yes. time's suppose to help me. though im not sure how long i need it...

"bakit ganun pag may sugat ka, pag andyan yung mahal mo, ang bilis gumaling... pero once na ang sugat galing sa mahal mo, sobrang hirap gumaling... kahit pa maraming gustong magpagaling?"