a friend?

"It's so nice to wake up every morning all alone and not have to tell somebody you love them when you don't love them anymore..."

I got this quote from my childhood friend's blog. He actually sent me this quote before but I wasn't able to relate to it entirely that time; however, now's another time. It's so true. I finally realized the entirety of the situation I am in. And about time I woke up from the fantasy I was in. No more. It's pointless. It's always the same pattern. The person hiding behind someone else's back. When will Person stand up on his own? Does he think that his "shield" will be there forever? I think I'm not the only one who was living in a dream. Face the facts, you're about to be left there alone. On your own. In a few month's time. After that, who will protect you? Now answer that. Ok, this entry will be directed to someone once again. You can actually leave now. No one is forcing you to read my blog. This is mine. My site. My property. And I'll do whatever I want with it and say whatever I want in it. Why are you guilty? You can’t manage on your own? Why are you reacting? Does it say the truth? I actually have no idea what entry you people are referring to. I'm assuming the entry is my message for him. I'm not the one who started this. I intended the message for you to read, not for anyone else. For you to know or whatever. You need not react actually. But now I know you did but you actually had to let someone react for you once again. How typical of you. The very same thing that happened last year. I don't feel anything for you, no emotion while I am telling you this. Because the entry was really intended for you. Now, what about the person who reacted for you? Your "shield"?

Okay Shield. You want to meddle into someone else's business? Fine. I know you are friends with him, but you need not meddle with his problems. That is for him to solve, not yours. You as his friend can give him pieces of advice or whatever, but you do not fight his fight. It's not yours to win to begin with. He won't learn to have a backbone if you keep on fighting his battles for him. I know you want to protect him from all the "ugliness" the world can throw at him, but it's about time you let him face it. There's no point in hiding him because eventually you can't always be there for him. And now that you are about to leave that place, there's no more point in letting him be dependent of you. He'll be alone there eventually. Let him face the consequences that he has to face. In the end, he has to face the music. Besides, this is our problem. You're not included in this. I actually find humor in this. Why? Because you're not directly affected with this problem. You're not directly involved in this. This is between me and him. But you speak and act as if you were the one affected, not him. And the entry wasn't meant for you, it was meant for him. That should have been my last entry directed at him, but you had to react to it. Why are you the one who's mad? You think it's wrong that I direct message through my blog? You think it's cowardly act?. Speak for yourself. Didn't you use to do the same thing before? Ok, I leave that to your judgment because that's how you feel about it. I don't intend to change that; that's your opinion. But you judge me without knowing the sides of the story or what the intentions are. It's actually selfish of you because that's the only way I can let out my emotions and you still want to deprive me of that. Who do you think you are to deprive me of such right? You believe that I should tell him this in person. But do we get the opportunity to do such? Actually, there were chances but I'm not the one who's not facing the music, it's him. If you only listen to the other side of the story, not just one. You're actually being unfair. I thought you were my friend. I guess not. You don’t understand nor try to understand my situation. I'm the one who is the victim here, not him, not his current. I was the one who let go, and you still take that against me. What do you want me to do? Just accept everything and endure it? No! That's not how it's going to be. I'm human too in case you forgot. I'm not a martyr to take all the accusations you have thrown at me. I've already became a martyr when I gave him up, and you still expect me to be a martyr with my emotions? No! That's too much!

You know what? You actually have a fault with what happened to us. If you did not tolerate his actions and instead told him to be honest, this would not have happened. You actually sided with him. You tolerated his actions even if you knew they were wrong. You actually asked him why he told me, that he could have just denied everything. In that case, you're also making me look stupid. You're not being a good friend. To him nor to me. You're not teaching him anything that's of moral value. You're actually telling him how to cheat. My God! What a friend. Is that how you treat your friends? I guess people were right when they said that you are truly biased. You are not my friend. Now I realize that. Because if you were, you would have looked out for my best interests as well, not only his. You would have considered my feelings, not only his. How disappointing. Maybe that's the reason why you two get along. You have the same level of thinking. Can't blame you though.

If you believe that it's pathetic of me to write everything down instead of telling it to him straight, you got it wrong. I guess you don't know me. This is the only way for now that I can tell him and you all this. If fate will let us meet, don't worry I'll tell you personally. I'm not a coward. I'm actually telling the world what I have to say to both of you. Is that what you call a coward? If it is, then I don't know your definition of brave is. You're actually defeating the purpose of a blog. A blog is like a journal. A person writes his feelings in a blog. And that's just exactly what I did. That's what I felt so that's what I wrote. Kung sa tingin mo ang baba ko sa pagsulat ko ng mga ito sa blog ko, e di mas mababa ka pa sa akin dahil pinatulan mo ang mga sinabi ko.