of friendship and friends

Friendship n. 1.the state of being a friend. 2. friendly feeling or disposition. (random house Webster's dictionary, 2001) <--I might get sued for plagiarism :p not sure of the citation but at least I did didn't I? :))

This word has been in my mind for the longest time. When I was still in grade school, the word meant to me as a companion, someone you spend time with. That's when I realized that you can spend time with anyone but the person can neither be your friend or whatever. Acquaintance. Someone you meet in a certain time. Those moments that can either matter to your life or not. Barkada, a Filipino term for crew. But what's the difference? In a crew, people spend time together doing happy things and making happy memories. Though that not necessarily mean that they are friends. Therefore what is a friend? A lot of quotes could answer this question actually, depending on the person answering the question.

A friend is someone who can tell what your faults are, but still accepts you for who you are. A person who will help you correct those flaws. A person who believes in you no matter how many times you fail. A person who doesn't give up on you. A person who won't be there during happy times, but is there on the critical moments of your life. A person who won't say nor promise that he'll be there if you need him, but rather he'll be there for you whether you need him or not. Someone who won't leave you in your darkest hour. Someone who has the courage to face you even if he did you wrong. Someone who has the courage to fight all the odds just to protect the friendship. Someone who is HONEST enough to tell you what needs to be told. Someone who has the guts to keep his word.

Now that I realize my definition, there are only a few of those people that I can really count as friends. But as a quote once said, when you are able to count with more than one hand who your friends are then you are blessed. And I guess I am. Though life can be sometimes deceiving, and those people who you thought were your friends would let you down, it's your choice to give them another shot if they are truly deserving of that chance. Everybody deserves a second chance, or rather deserves a chance to redeem themselves, but how would you know when is the time to finally give up on that person? I'm also faced with the same dilemma. It's easy to say that you gave up on the person but inside yourself you know that when that person comes back to you, I don't know…! :)) I myself am confused. (you noticed? Hahaha..) It really depends on the person. I can say I'm not selfish when it comes to chances, well as long as I don't tire out from giving and giving the person a chance AND if the person really shows that he/she is sincere. It's sad, I became soft again. I actually am not really very generous about chances because I do believe that when given a chance, there should really be effort to not commit the same mistake and to learn not to commit it all over again. I guess that now, even if someone *ahem* committed the same crime to me, I can't entirely say that I'd be stingy about chances. I don't know why actually. I think I really lost some of my screws. ;) kidding :))

I'm now in college, and I try to communicate with my high-school friends as often as I can. Yeah I have a crew in college as well, but it's still not the same. I didn't grow up with them and the same goes for them with me. We have no idea how our minds work but we just are together. Yes I can say that they are there for me, but I don't know… am I just not contented with what I have? I still can't show them who I truly am, but gradually I'm starting to. It's hard because we are a big crew and I have already learned my lesson with such crews. It rarely works out. There's always an issue going about the group. There will be favoritisms and such. I actually don't mind if there are; I've learned to immune myself with my past experience. As long as I know who to stick with to. Yes I am guilty of the favoritisms as well. But I don't believe it to be favoritism. It's as simple as adjusting to who can adjust to you, and trying to work on the friendship (if it is really to be considered as such). I apologize if I seem to be suspicious of everything and everyone. It just happens to be my defense mechanism. There have been too many people who already failed me in the past and recently as well. Better safe than sorry.