back to reality

"it's better to have nobody than somebody who is half yours, half there or doesn't want to be there, or is there and then suddenly disappears."

finally, something and someone knocked me back to reality, back to my real senses. i received this quote from a close friend & it got me thinking, yeah, it is so true! then i realized, that's how i used to think before this whole mess happened to me. i mean, come on, call it selfish whatever you want, but would anyone want to share something that's of great value or of great affection to anybody? it's in human nature, for pete's sake. ok a little compromise, maybe a someTHING we might, we would. what about a someONE, a someBODY? would you still want to share with anyone,esp. when you know yourself that you would give your all and more & all that you're going to receive is just half or maybe barely half of what you're giving? i don't think that anybody would be that stupid. but guess what? i did. MY GOD! i did! me, of all people! i have been telling myself that since, oh i don't know, as long as i can remember?! & i even tell the same thing to my friends who are in any way near that certain situation. finally something happened to get me back to reality. hmm...thanks friend,you know who you are :) hahaha..

i also had a long chat with (well it's so typical of us anyway hahaha) my best friend over the phone (sun actually haha so mobile phone :p) last night. something she told me got stuck in my head & made me think of my actions, my behavior for the past couple of days -- she had a chat with one of our friends in our crew & my best friend told him this: "Mali si _____ ng kinalaban. Si Jill pa, of all people. And pangatlong beses na yung ngayon." hahahahaha... i had a good laugh last night. at least someone out there really knows me. :) good to know, hahaha.. & know what? she made me realize that i've been giving more than i used to, that my affection and kindness toward that certain person has been abused. i gave that certain person, how may chances was it again?... oh yeah! that was four actually. four! for pete's sake! i've been that dense already?! i have been stupid for that long??! my god what the heck is wrong with me! is it about time that i give up all this hope that this certain person will learn his lesson? would you please help me decide? well if anybody's reading this, haha... the first mistake might still be forgivable, but what about the other three?

anyway, all i can say now is -- hey, if you, certain person, are reading this, listen up -- until he hasn't learned his lesson, there is no more reason for me to stay. maybe it's about time i give the certain person a lesson about loss. haha what do you think? ;p